Failure

Failure: I sometimes feel like that word defines my first year of teaching. There are many stories from my first year of teaching that can fall into the category of failure. I think that I failed to be the best/most effective teacher that I could have been. There are no excuses for this, yes, I was overwhelmed, but that shouldn’t have changed the effectiveness of my teaching.  I failed at being organized, which led to management problems. I failed at the positive attitude, which I had promised myself that I would keep all year. I failed at becoming friends with my co-workers. I failed at contacting parents. As you can see, I had were MANY failures this year.

My biggest failure was the lack of communication that I had with my inclusion teacher. We started the school year hating each other, and ended the school year hating each other. Her presence in my classroom brought me to be a bitter person. I think that I could have learned something from her, but we both didn’t allow ourselves to put our egos aside.

There have been many blogs this year written about my inclusion teacher, and hopefully this will be the last blog that I ever write about her, but the lack of respect that she had for me made our communication problems escalate. By the end of the year, she gave the SPED kids the answers to my final exam because she “didn’t want to have to deal with them next year.” I FAILED at doing the right thing in that situation, but because I didn’t feel like fighting with her I turned a blind eye and allowed her to give answers.

Also, I failed at using her in my classroom, which would have made my year much easier. She literally did NOTHING all day, everyday. She sat in her corner while she helped out the one kid that sat by her. It really didn’t matter if that student was SPED or not, kids wanted to sit by her because they knew that she would give them answers to all of the assignments.

            My inclusion teacher and I were in a silent war all year. I confronted her once, in the 1^st 9 weeks, because her excessive whistle blowing, but that was the only time that I told her how I felt about her behavior. I know that the students were aware of our silent war, which is a FAILURE! Students are only there to learn, not to get stuck in some ridiculous drama that their teachers are in. My inclusion teacher would talk to me behind my back to students, and I know this because my students would tell me.

            Overall, I think I did an OK job in dealing with my inclusion teacher, but she was my biggest failure. I hope that I do not have to see her at all next year, but if she is in my classroom again I can only hope that we can get along, and that I gain all of my patience back this summer, I’ll need it. 

Comments

[Jen Lawrence]

I can sympathize with the feeling of failure that overcomes reflection of the past year. While I can't imagine your exact situation of daily frustration resulting from another adult, rather than the multitudes of student disrespect, I can praise you for simply making it to school every day to face this frustration. It seems to me that your ability to remain calm and deal with your students, effectively attempting to ignore her and her unprofessionalism, is the small success within this feeling of failure. I'm with you in hoping she is not a sight for you next year, but I know either way, you will find common ground and work to improve your classroom, with or without her/her help.

[tkwright]

While I haven't yet gone through a year of teaching, I have definitely felt this thing called frustration.  I would like to honestly say that the fact that you persisted for a year and are staying with it is a huge inspiration to me

[Carson Reed]

I hope you don't have the whistle-blower again, but if your students performed well–which they probably did as a result of the resource teacher providing answers, and the resource teacher (hopefully) knowing answers– your administration will probably place the same resource teacher in your room. You will definitely need patience, but you will also need a new plan of action. Next year is a new year and a new opportunity to start things off the right way.

[fess hawkins]

Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.  I know that people can sometimes get on our nerves so bad that we wish we could just close our eyes and wish that person no longer existed, or at least, no longer existed in our world.  I can understand grown people having a beef with none another, but I think when it comes to the well being and nurturing of children, those petty beefs need to be put to the side so the environment can be productive and feel safe for all the children to learn.

[acphill]

I actually just learned about inclusion teachers about two days ago but even before then I had been nervous about my relationships with other teachers.  I am hopeful not to have much tension and confrontation with between myself and other teachers but the truth is there probably will be some tension.  My mission for the rest of the summer is to learn how to deal with said tension if it does occur.  Like you mentioned, the last thing I want to happen is to have my students suffer from my less than perfect relationships.  So far my strategy is just to keep to myself.  We'll see how effective that is.